Here is something for the Poor Wives to cheer about..

Poor Wives - how they suffer ... !

As promised, here I fulfill the wish of poor wives - the way they want to take revenge on the really-so-difficult husbands, who are not understanding and painful to handle.

Here are the sayings of some women about their husbands and their married life.
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A Woman's Perfect Breakfast:

Imagine..

You're sitting at the breakfast table.....
Your son's picture is on the box of Wheaties.
Your daughter is on the cover of Fortune.
Your boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
Your husband is on the back of the milk carton.
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Love may be blind, but marriage Is a real eye-opener!

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At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"

The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
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Wife to Husband:

I must admit, you brought religion in my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America.

The rest cheat in Europe.
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
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A little boy asked his mother, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

And the mother replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
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A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said, "Darling, it's my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She would like something electric."

The husband replied, "How about a chair?"
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Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.

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Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.
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Wife to a Friend: Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food and companionship. He goes Tuesdays. I go Fridays

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A little boy went up to his mother and asked: "Mom, where did all of my intelligence come from?"

The mother replied, "Well son, you must have got it from your father, because I still have mine."
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A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc.

His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names."

The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name.
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After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."

She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
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A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted".

Next day she received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

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A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing.

"Why don't you do that?" said the wife.

"Honey," replied her husband, "I don't even know that woman!
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Son: "Mom, do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time' and 'long ago'?"

Mom: "No dear, sometimes they begin with 'honey, I was delayed at the office...'
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"And you tell me several men proposed marriage to you," said the husband.

"Yes, several," the wife replied.

"Well I wish you had married the first fool who proposed."

"I did!"

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A long married couple came upon a wishing well.

The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.

The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.

The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"
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Seven Ages of the Married Cold

1st year -- The husband says, "Oh, sweetie pie, I'm really worried about those nasty sniffles you have! There's no telling what that could turn into with all the strep that's been going around. I'm going to take you right down to the hospital and have you admitted for a couple days of rest. I know the food is lousy there, so I'm going to bring you some takeout from China Garden. I've already arranged it with the head nurse."

2nd year -- "Listen, honey, I don't like the sound of that cough. I called the doc and he's going to stop by here and take a look at you. Why don't you just go on to bed and get the rest you need?"

3rd year -- "Maybe you better go lie down, darling. When you feel lousy you need the rest. I'll bring you something--do we have any canned soup around here?"

4th year -- "No sense wearing yourself out when you're under the weather. When you finish those dishes and the kids' baths and get them to bed, you ought to go to bed yourself!"

5th year -- "Why don't you take a couple aspirin?"

6th year -- "You ought to go gargle or something, instead of sitting around barking like a dog!"

7th year -- "For Pete's sake, stop sneezing. Are you trying to give me pneumonia? You'd better pick up some tissues while you're at the store."

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Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!

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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. (unknown to any)

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Why are men like lawn mowers?

If you’re not pushing one around, then you’re riding it.

How is an ex-husband like an inflamed appendix?
It caused you a lot of pain, and after it was removed you found out you didn’t need it anyway.

How do we know men invented maps?
Who else would make an inch into a mile?

What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need……..
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need

Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
A mental hospital
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Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
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And now for the grand finale... here are a few short, cute poems from a wife to a loving husband.

I see your face, when I am dreaming.
That's why I always, wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything that you're not.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet,and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "Go to hell."
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Here is something for the Poor Husbands to cheer about..

Poor Husbands (I promise, I shall post one to support the Poor Wives tomorrow itself ! :)
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Position of a Husband Is just like a Split AC - no matter however loud he is in the Outdoor, he is designed to remain Silent indoors...
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"Husband is one who is the head of the family, but his wife is the neck, and whichever way she turns, he goes."
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A man in Hell asked Devil: "Can I make a call to my Wife?"
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : "No Charge, Hell to hell is Free."
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Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means: Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
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Wife: I wish I was a newspaper, So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper, So I could have a new one
every day.
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Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are..
Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.
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Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?
Husband: A lovely Push...!
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It is said: "Behind every successful man stands a woman" - but not many know the fuller version of the phrase.

It is this: "Behind every successful man stands a woman, telling him that he is wrong !"

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And now for the best one ......................................
.
.

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Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you, so he can have his rest and peace.

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Express your love, before it is too late

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers. That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much," were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.

The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin. As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded: "yes." Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher. "We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him. "Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it." All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around.

Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home." Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album." "I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary" Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group.

"I carry this with me at all times, " Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists" That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again. The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.

So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.

Do you forward email chains? Read this..

Here is a email from one of the mail chain victims.. please read on..

I want to thank all my friends and other unknown people who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2008, 2009 & 2010 and 2011.

Because of your kindness :

I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it's good only for removing toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS

I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.

I also stopped drinking water outside for fear that I will get sick from the rat shit and urine.

When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1993...)

My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.

Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Dalai Lama, Ganesh Vandana, Tirupathi Balaji pics etc..Now most of those "Wishes" are already married (to someone else)!

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you do not send this e-mail to at least 918,739 people in the next 9 seconds, a bird will shit on your head today at 6:30 p.m.

C'mon guys, give me a break!!

Scrabble type fun

This has got to be one of the cleverest fun stuff you would have read in a while.

Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.

(Wait till you see the last one)!

DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters: SPARKLING DRIVE

PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters: END IS A CAR SPIN

MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters: NICE SILKY WOMAN

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER

DESPERATION
When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:

When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER !!!

Howz that for a fitting finale?

Software Professional - A story in Tamil

சிந்தித்க தூண்டும் நகைச்சுவை கலந்த உரையாடல்...Plz Read.. Note however, that, it is designed for fun and thoughts, and not to damage anyone's feelings or business....
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"ஏம்பா இந்த கம்ப்யூட்டர் படிச்சவங்க எல்லாம் நிறைய சம்பளம்
வாங்கிட்டு, பந்தா பண்ணிட்டு ஒரு தினுசாவே அலையுறீங்களே? அப்படி என்னதான் வேலை பார்ப்பீங்க ?

நியாயமான ஒரு கேள்வியை கேட்டார் எனது அப்பா.

நானும் விவரிக்க ஆரம்பிதேன்.

"வெள்ளைகாரனுக்கு எல்லா வேலையும் சீக்கிரமா முடியணும்.
அதே மாதிரி எல்லா வேலையும் அவனோட வீட்டுல இருந்தே செய்யணும். இதுக்காக எவ்வளவு பணம் வேணுமானாலும் செலவு செய்ய தயாரா இருக்கான்."

"அது சரி பல்லு இருக்குறவன் பக்கோடா சாப்பிடுறான்".

"இந்த மாதிரி அமெரிக்கால்-ல, இங்கிலாந்து-ல இருக்குற Bank,
இல்ல எதாவது கம்பெனி, "நான் செலவு செய்ய தயாரா இருக்கேன். எனக்கு இத செய்து கொடுங்கனு கேப்பாங்க.
இவங்கள நாங்க "Client"னு சொல்லுவோம்.

இந்த மாதிரி Client-அ மோப்பம் பிடிக்குறதுக்காகவே எங்க பங்காளிக கொஞ்ச பேர அந்த அந்த ஊருல உக்கார வச்சி இருப்போம். இவங்க பேரு "Sales Consultants, Pre-Sales Consultants. ...".

இவங்க போய் Client கிட்ட பேச்சுவார்த்தை நடத்துவாங்க.

காசு கொடுகுறவன் சும்மாவா கொடுப்பான்?

ஆயிரத்தெட்டு கேள்வி கேப்பான். உங்களால இத பண்ண முடியுமா? அத பண்ண முடியுமான்னு அவங்க கேக்குற எல்லாம் கேள்விக்கும், "முடியும்"னு பதில் சொல்றது இவங்க வேலை.

அப்பா : "இவங்க எல்லாம் என்னப்பா படிச்சுருபாங்க"?

"MBA, MS-னு பெரிய பெரிய படிபெல்லாம் படிச்சி இருப்பாங்க."

அப்பா : "முடியும்னு ஒரே வார்த்தைய திரும்ப திரும்ப
சொல்றதுக்கு எதுக்கு MBA படிக்கணும்?" –

அப்பாவின் கேள்வியில் நியாயம் இருந்தது.

அப்பா : “சரி இவங்க போய் பேசின உடனே client project
கொடுத்துடுவானா?”

“அது எப்படி? இந்த மாதிரி பங்காளிக எல்லா கம்பெனிளையும் இருப்பாங்க. 500 நாள்ல முடிக்க வேண்டிய வேலைய 60 நாள்ள
முடிச்சு தரோம், 50 நாள்ல முடிச்சு தரோம்னு பேரம் பேசுவாங்க. இதுல யாரு குறைஞ்ச நாள சொல்றாங்களோ அவங்களுக்கு ப்ராஜெக்ட் கிடைக்கும்”

அப்பா : "500 நாள்ல முடிக்க வேண்டிய வேலைய 50 நாள்ல எப்படி முடிக்க முடியும்? ராத்திரி பகலா வேலை பார்த்தாலும் முடிக்க முடியாதே?"

"இங்க தான் நம்ம புத்திசாலித்தனத்த நீங்க புரிஞ்சிக்கணும். 50
நாள்னு சொன்ன உடனே client சரின்னு சொல்லிடுவான்.

ஆனா அந்த 50 நாள்ல அவனுக்கு என்ன வேணும்னு அவனுக்கும் தெரியாது, என்ன செய்யனும்னு நமக்கும் தெரியாது. இருந்தாலும் 50 நாள் முடிஞ்ச பிறகு ப்ரோஜெக்ட்னு ஒண்ண நாங்க deliver பண்ணுவோம். அத பாத்துட்டு "ஐயோ நாங்க கேட்டது இதுல்ல, எங்களுக்கு இது வேணும், அது வேணும்னு" புலம்ப ஆரம்பிப்பான்.

"அப்புறம்?" - அப்பா ஆர்வமானார்.

"இப்போ தான் நாங்க நம்பியார் மாதிரி கைய பிசஞ்சிகிட்டே "இதுக்கு நாங்க CR raise பண்ணுவோம்"னு சொல்லுவோம்.

அப்பா : "CR-னா?"

"Change Request. இது வரைக்கும் நீ கொடுத்த பணத்துக்கு நாங்க வேலை பார்த்துட்டோம். இனிமேல் எதாவது பண்ணனும்னா எக்ஸ்ட்ரா பணம் கொடுக்கணும்"னு சொல்லுவோம். இப்படியே 50 நாள் வேலைய 500 நாள் ஆக்கிடுவோம்."

அப்பாவின் முகத்தில் லேசான பயம் தெரிந்தது.

அப்பா : "இதுக்கு அவன் ஒத்துபானா?"

"ஒத்துகிட்டு தான் ஆகணும்.

முடி வெட்ட போய்ட்டு, பாதி வெட்டிட்டு வர முடியுமா?"

அப்பா : "சரி ப்ராஜெக்ட் உங்க கைல வந்த உடனே என்ன
பண்ணுவீங்க?"

"முதல்ல ஒரு டீம் உருவாக்குவோம். இதுல ப்ராஜக்ட்
மேனேஜர்னு ஒருத்தர் இருப்பாரு. இவரது தான் பெரிய தலை.
ப்ராஜெக்ட் சக்சஸ் ஆனாலும், ஃபெயிலியர் ஆனாலும் இவரு தான் பொறுப்பு."

அப்பா : "அப்போ இவருக்கு நீங்க எல்லாரும் பண்ற வேலை எல்லாம் தெரியும்னு சொல்லு."

"அதான் கிடையாது.

இவருக்கு நாங்க பண்ற எதுவுமே தெரியாது."

அப்பா : "அப்போ இவருக்கு என்னதான் வேலை?" –

அப்பா குழம்பினார்.

"நாங்க என்ன தப்பு பண்ணினாலும் இவர பார்த்து கைய நீட்டுவோம். எப்போ எவன் குழி பறிப்பான்னு டென்ஷன் ஆகி டயர்ட் ஆகி டென்ஷன் ஆகுறதுதான் இவரு வேலை."

"பாவம்பா"

"ஆனா இவரு ரொம்ப நல்லவரு. எங்களுக்கு எந்த பிரச்னை வந்தாலும் இவரு கிட்ட போய் சொல்லலாம்."

அப்பா : "எல்லா பிரச்னையும் தீர்த்து வச்சிடுவார?"

"ஒரு பிரச்சனைய கூட தீர்க்க மாட்டாரு. நாங்க என்ன
சொன்னாலும் தலையாட்டிகிட்டே உன்னோட பிரச்னை
எனக்கு புரியுதுனு சொல்றது மட்டும் தான் இவரோட வேலை."

அப்பா : "நான் உன்னோட அம்மா கிட்ட பண்ற மாதிரி?!"

"இவருக்கு கீழ டெக் லீட், மோடுல் லீட், டெவலப்பர், டெஸ்டர்னு நிறைய அடி பொடிங்க இருப்பாங்க."

அப்பா : "இத்தனை பேரு இருந்து, எல்லாரும் ஒழுங்கா வேலை செஞ்சா வேலை ஈஸியா முடிஞ்சிடுமே?"

"வேலை செஞ்சா தானே? நான் கடைசியா சொன்னேன் பாருங்க... டெவலப்பர், டெஸ்டர்னு, அவங்க மட்டும் தான் எல்லா வேலையும் செய்வாங்க. அதுலையும் இந்த டெவலப்பர் வேலைக்கு சேரும் போதே "இந்த குடும்பத்தோட மானம், மரியாதை உன்கிட்ட தான் இருக்குனு" சொல்லி, நெத்தில திருநீறு பூசி அனுப்பி வச்ச என்னைய மாதிரி தமிழ் பசங்க தான் அதிகம் இருப்பாங்க."

அப்பா : "அந்த டெஸ்டர்னு எதோ சொன்னியே? அவங்களுக்கு என்னப்பா வேலை?"

"இந்த டெவலப்பர் பண்ற வேலைல குறை கண்டு பிடிக்கறது இவனோட வேலை.

அப்பா : புடிக்காத மருமக கை பட்டா குத்தம், கால் பட்டா குத்தம்கறது மாதிரி." "ஒருத்தன் பண்ற வேலைல குறை கண்டு பிடிகுறதுக்கு சம்பளமா? புதுசா தான் இருக்கு. சரி இவங்களாவது வேலை செய்யுராங்களா. சொன்ன தேதிக்கு வேலைய முடிச்சு கொடுத்துடுவீங்கள்ள?

"அது எப்படி..? சொன்ன தேதிக்கு ப்ராஜக்டை முடிச்சி கொடுத்தா, அந்தக் குற்ற உணர்ச்சி எங்க வாழ்கை முழுவதும் உறுத்திக்கிட்டு
இருக்கும். நிறைய பேரு அந்த அவமானத்துக்கு பதிலா தற்கொலை
செய்துக்கலாம்னு சொல்லுவாங்க"

அப்பா: "கிளையன்ட் சும்மாவா விடுவான்? ஏன் லேட்னு கேள்வி கேக்க மாட்டான்?"

"கேக்கத்தான் செய்வான். இது வரைக்கும் டிமுக்குள்ளையே காலை வாரி விட்டுக்கிட்டு இருந்த நாங்க எல்லாரும் சேர்ந்து அவன் காலை வார ஆரம்பிப்போம்."

அப்பா : "எப்படி?"

"நீ கொடுத்த கம்ப்யூட்டர்-ல ஒரே தூசியா இருந்துச்சு. அன்னைக்கு டீம் மீட்டிங்ல வச்சி நீ இருமின, உன்னோட ஹேர் ஸ்டைல் எனக்கு புடிகலை." இப்படி எதாவது சொல்லி அவன குழப்புவோம்.

அவனும் சரி சனியன எடுத்து தோள்ல போட்டாச்சு, இன்னும் கொஞ்ச நாள் தூங்கிட்டு போகட்டும்னு விட்டுருவான்".

அப்பா : "சரி முன்ன பின்ன ஆனாலும் முடிச்சி கொடுத்துட்டு கைய கழுவிட்டு வந்துடுவீங்க அப்படித்தான?"

"அப்படி பண்ணினா, நம்ம நாட்டுல பாதி பேரு வேலை இல்லாம தான் இருக்கணும்."

"அப்புறம்?"

"ப்ராஜக்டை முடிய போற சமயத்துல நாங்க எதோ பயங்கரமான ஒண்ண பண்ணி இருக்குறமாதிரியும், அவனால அத புரிஞ்சிக்க கூட முடியாதுங்கற மாதிரியும் நடிக்க ஆரம்பிப்போம்."

"அப்புறம்?"

"அவனே பயந்து போய், எங்கள தனியா விட்டுடாதீங்க. உங்க டீம்-ல ஒரு ஒண்ணு, ரெண்டு பேர உங்க ப்ரொஜெக்ட பார்த்துக்க சொல்லுங்கன்னு, புது பொண்ணு மாதிரி புலம்ப
ஆரம்பிச்சிடுவாங்க."

இதுக்கு பேரு "Maintenance and Support". இந்த வேலை வருஷ கணக்கா போகும்.

"ப்ராஜக்ட் அப்படிங்கறது ஒரு பொண்ண கல்யாணம் பண்ணி வீட்டுக்கு கூட்டிட்டு வர்றது மாதிரி. தாலி கட்டினா மட்டும் போதாது, வருஷ கணக்கா நிறைய செலவு செஞ்சு பராமரிக்க வேண்டிய விசயம்னு" இப்போ தான் கிளைன்டுக்கு புரிய ஆரம்பிக்கும்.

அப்பா : "எனக்கும் எல்லாம் புரிஞ்சிடுச்சிப்பா".

Interesting Matrimonial advertisements

Take a break. This is real fun stuff.

These are profiles taken from a very popular matrimonial site (better not to name)- these are actual ads on the site. Grammar and spelling errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart.

Disclaimer: Am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this post.

Case # 1~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male,If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalore .. if u like me u welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter..
Thanks
yours Regards Sowmya ~*~
(Truly yours)

Case # 2~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework

(What Homework???)

Case # 3~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love.

I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!!

(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)

Case # 4~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i am simple girl. I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck. now i am looking one boy he care me and love me lot lot lot

(lots and lots ?)

Case # 5~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast

(by not wearing his jeans? What the hell...)

Case # 6~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY THEY ARE
1. THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.
2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION
3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.

(all of us are loughing {laughing})

Case # 7~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would be called the man of the lamp

(Can anyone tell me what this girl wants - she doesn't know wat she wants? A LAMP ?)

Case # 8~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok

(Again clueless, but I liked the use of 'ok'. The person is Suffering from 'Ok-syndrome')

Case # 9~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father & Mother. sister completely married

(somebody please explain how to get married completely'?)

Case # 10~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes

(Height of desperation)

Case # 11~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iam kanandevi. i do own businas.one sistar.he was marred.

(Plz for gods sake ask somebody's help in framing sentence )

Case # 12~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily.
i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ....

(dunno what to say?!)

Case # 13~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social service.

(Zebra model ? black and white..?)

Funny speech from 3 Idiots

So wonderful, that you would not come out of the fun even hours after watching this... :)

For those who have not seen the movie, just keep this in mind - before the speech begins, Aamir Khan does a couple of Find & Replace in the prepared speech - like "Chamatkaar" to "Balaatkaar" and so on.. and the guy who is to carry out the speech, unaware of the changes and their intended meaning, just goes ahead to deliver this master speech without understanding the consequences.. :)

Vivek's wonderful creative piece

Such a wonderful performance by Vivek - posing as Vairamuthu and narrating the age old crow story. Rib-tickling fun !!

Consequences of marrying a Company Secretary

Purely for fun....
=========================
A Company Secretary to his wife, on returning from office.....

Husband : Hi Dear, mark my attendance.

Wife : You are too late.

Husband : No problem, I am ready to pay the additional fee.

Wife : Be serious, we had a plan to go for movie.

Husband : i know this matter can be taken at any other meeting.

Wife : I really have done a wrong by marrying you.

Husband : Yes, also you should know that it is an un-compoundable offence.

Wife : Lets finalize whether we should live together or be separated.

Husband : Dont be silly; proxies are not allowed to speak.

Wife : Please, Leave me alone

Husband : No, I cant let the meeting conducted without quorum.

Wife : I will just be mad.

Husband : Contract with or by any Lunastic person is void ab initio.

Wife : I just want to go my father's house, take these keys of your house.

Husband : Presently, I dont have any buyback offer.

Wife : i just want to be separated from you.

Husband : You have to apply to the Court for demerger.

Wife : i think we both are unable to settle our disputes.

Husband : No problem, lets apply the court for voluntary winding up !
==================

Tech Support - Installing Husband

INSTALLING HUSBAND!

A woman writes to the IT Technical support.....

Dear Tech Support ,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications , which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 , and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0 ,MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Distressed Wife


REPLY from Tech Support team

Dear Madam ,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: "ithoughtyoulovedme. html" and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update .

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT in any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software
to improve memory and performance.

We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

A collection of Jokes

Though we have a lot of respect and affection towards the Sardar community, some of the easy going Sardars started writing and publicising some ethnic jokes about themselves, and it is probably the largest and widely circulated ethnic jokes in India.

Some of the dominant traits of the Sardar jokes include the Sardarji being shown as naïve, inept, unintelligent, unclean, or not well-versed with the English language.For example, here is a joke adapted from The Unofficial Joke Book of Mind Blowing SMS (ISBN 8184191901), compiled by a Sikh author:

A Sardarji is travelling for the first time in a plane, headed for Bombay. While the plane is landing, he starts shouting "Bombay, Bombay!".

The air hostess says, "Be silent".

Sardaji says, "OK", and starts shouting "ombay, ombay".

Some people feel that it is targeting to show an important community as naive and unintellectual, but the fact remains that most of these jokes were written,circulated or published by Sardars themselves.

In "The Other Face of India", M. V. Kamath wrote about "the Punjabi's enormous capacity to poke fun at himself, a trait that seems peculiar to the Punjabi, especially the Sikh."

In his book President Giani Zail Singh, the Sikh author Joginder Singh states "...who can enjoy a good joke against himself or against his tribe except a Punjabi and more particularly, a Sikh?"

I personally feel that these are jokes which just carry Sardars' names over there instead of any other, and should be used without hurting any particular community, and could be made general-class jokes. So, read through the collection attached herewith as it applies to just anybody / any situation, without focusing any thoughts about the sardar community.

Collection of Jokes

Cheers
P.K.

Lessons for the Corporate Clan

Here is one of my favorite lessons for those working in the Corporate Clan - funny it may sound, but it makes for a wonderful practical read as well.

The Corporate Lessons

Cheers
P.K.

Gita for the IT guys

I got this file somewhere on the web years back - but the simplicity and funny tinge of the message, with a slight depth to think, attracted me very much. I present below my favorite print - "Gita for the IT guys".

If you want to download the file for yourself, right click on the link below and select "Save target as": Gita for the IT Guys


Cheers
P.K.

Are computers masculine or feminine?

An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language. He stated now hurricanes at one time were given feminine names and how ships and planes were usually referred to as "she."

One of the students raised a hand and asked, "What 'gender' is a computer."

The teacher wasn't certain which it was, so he divided the class into two groups - males in one - females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine.

Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

THE GROUP OF WOMEN CONCLUDED THAT COMPUTERS SHOULD BE REFERRED TO IN THE MASCULINE GENDER BECAUSE:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

THE MEN, ON THE OTHER HAND, DECIDED THAT COMPUTERS SHOULD DEFINITELY BE REFERRED TO IN THE FEMININE GENDER BECAUSE:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Cheers

P.K.

Do you know PC Language?

 

It says: "Press Any Key"
It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."

 

It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error now. 1A4-2546512430E"
It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem."

 

It says: "Installing program to C:\...."
It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you'll NEVER find them."

 

It says: "Please insert disk 11"
It means: "Because I know darnn well there are only 10 disks."

 

It says: "Not enough memory"
It means: "I don't CARE if you've got 64MB of RAM, I want to use the bit below 640K."

 

It says: "Cannot read from drive D:...."
It means: "... However, if you put the CD in right side up..."

 

It says: "Please Wait...."
It means: "... Indefinitely."

 

It says: "Directory does not exist...."
It means: ".... any more. Whoops."

 

It says: "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close."
It means: "....Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back."

 

Cheers

P.K.

Tickle your funny bone !!

Examtime special - here are some answers written by kids in their exam sheets (very real, very funny as well)

1. "When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire."

2. "H3O is hot water, and CO3 is cold water"

3. "To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."

4. "When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"

5. "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state"

6. "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."

7. "Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

8. "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."

9. "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."

10. "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."

11. "A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."

12. "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."

13. "The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."

14. "For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it."

15. "A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."

16. "The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in his fight."

17. "A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."

18. "Many women belive that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception."

19. "Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."

20. "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

21. "Liter: A nest of young puppies."

22. "Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."

23. "Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."

24. "Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."

25. "Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives."

Enjoy your weekend...

Cheers
P.K.